Submitted by Char on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 12:05am

I'm going to do something dumb that I've also been told is something you should never ever have to do with your art -- gonna EXPLAIN it. But only a bit! After all, it's not like I'm terribly deep with my poetry. I do it because if I don't, Irk will do horrible things to me.

And also for a lot of the same reasons Vogons do it.

1 - Reunion
April 1st was the day I saw my OMGBFFJEN for the first time in years, and got to meet her freakin' ADORABLE fiancee Jenna. The moment we spotted each other on Main Street was awesome. It was like no time had passed at all.

2 - Sequence
Right! Written on the way home from California, and the first of the iPhone poems. (I'll have to keep a tally of how many there are.) I use the Fibonacci Sequence to help me sleep, but even that wasn't working that night. I just wanted to be home.

3 - (untitled)
This one was born of musing on size-ism and goddesses.

4 - Easter Traditions
We couldn't have our traditional lamb cake this year because, well, baking gluten-free standup cakes is a bit tougher than we expected. Maybe next year? (And yes, I really have taught my kids how to take down zombies. In theory. Field training comes later.)

5 - Sarah
My take on the whole Asmodeus/Sarah myth. I was thinking... what if she wasn't exactly an innocent party to the whole thing, and the demon was the one being played?

6 - LDR
My husband is currently stationed overseas without me, and I miss him terribly. :( That night was particularly difficult.

7 - I follow a very specific set of rules.
This one's an acrostic. The rules it refers to are here. Note in particular Rule #7.

8 - fadingembers
As it says in the post, taken from a friend's tweets. She's a very entertaining person, especially when drunk. XD

9 - Lies My Neighbor Tells Me (And Herself)
This one stemmed from a conversation a friend and I had about being stay-at-home moms. Thing is, even though she talks about how she's content to not be working, I don't entirely believe her. (Those dreams were all mine, though.) As far as I know, she just wants to be a concert vocalist. Me? Heck, my family gives me hell about my lack of ambition. I just genuinely don't have it.

10 - Scribe
I... don't remember? I'm pretty sure I was thinking about the Poet King, but I also might have been somewhat inebriated. ^_^;;

11 - honeymoon
I MISS MY HUSBAND. I THINK WE ALL GET IT NOW. Moving on.

12 - Naturally
I am a huge fan of Amanda Fucking Palmer, Mo'nique, and all the other famous ladies rockin' the natural body hair. I also get pissy on occasion about the reactions such ICKLYPOO displays of hair garner. THIS POEM IS NOT ABOUT PUBES. ... entirely.

13 - Monster Lips
AH HA HA HA I heard one too many descriptions of how vaginas are lovely flowery things of beauty tra-la-la. I have a rather love-hate relationship with mine, and I have NEVER considered it particularly floral.

14 - Shapeshifter
My only BLATANTLY Peacock King poem. It's also an acrostic (hint hint)!

15 - Hai-koo Time!
You know how haiku is supposed to capture a single moment? Well, that moment, my cat was grooming herself with unusual enthusiasm, and classy individual that I am, I had to record it somehow. The second haiku is one I wrote in high school. I freakin' MEMORIZED it, I love it so much. So yeah, I came perilously close to cheating on the 15th.

16 - bellyache
Bitching about lactose intolerance flaring up, or a commentary about how desperately I don't want to let go of things that I love that I'll find ways to shift blame elsewhere so I can keep doing destructive behaviors? YOU BE THE JUDGE. (Trident not included.)

17 - Hours
The only part I kept out of a much, much longer poem. These three lines were pretty much the whole thing anyway. I wish I could destroy some things and move on, but sometimes it isn't possible.

18 - The Reason We Stand Watch
I read the most AMAZING article about homeless kids and the common mythology that has sprung up amongst them. The ongoing war that the angels are losing, the image of the Black Lady, the noble souls of the kids... it was entrancing and heartbreaking and uplifting, all at the same time.

19 - instrument
Irk bought me fridge magnets as a gift. This is an actual photo of actual fridge poetry on my actual fridge! AMAZING.

20 - La Crescenta Montrose
I grew up in La Crescenta. I hated it and was very happy to leave, and still possess a simmering ire towards the entirety of Los Angeles (and, heck, Southern California (OK, California in general)). Yet, for some reason, every time I go back to visit, the desert feels like HOME in a way that pisses me off and makes me deeply happy, all at the same time.

21 - noise
I have Issues, and this was written after one of my anxiety triggers was set off. *sigh*

22 - Checked
This one is for one of my oldest friends. They know what I'm talkin' about. ^_^

23 - ???? (Hungry Cats)
CURSE THE LACK OF UTF-8 SUPPORT. That title was in Japanese, because I so love making people Google random shit. My cats are demons. HUNGRY demons.

24 - Tower of Babel
This is hands-down my favorite poem of the bunch. It is also a very nice hate-letter to that certain someone. I can honestly say there is only one person on this planet I truly, wholly loathe.

25 - Art
Hell-o, writer's and artist's block. OK NO WAIT SERIOUSLY I have actually had to do something like this with new canvases. Not literally pee on them (although I knew a guy who DID), but somehow deface that expensive, pristine thing so I could finally use it! ... harder to do with empty document windows, though.

26 - Doppler
I am going through a phase where I'm OBSESSED with tornadoes and extreme weather. I also happened to watch a documentary about Deep Throat and the rise of the porn industry that night. This was kind of a commentary on both. Tornadoes are hilariously phallic at times.

27 - Green Peppers
I might actually work this one out a bit more. Continuation on a certain Haterade trend I've been on recently.

28 - diazepam
My mom slipped me one of hers because my anxiety by this point was utterly out of control, and I hadn't slept in DAYS, and was basically batshit insane from it all. I was rather amused by how trusting I was, considering I was paranoid as hell at the time, and my dad takes like a ZILLION heart meds that could have easily been mixed up...

29 - Friday Night
I don't remember if this was a Friday night, but it really happened, and it involved my favorite Irk and my future husband, a lot of sushi, drinking, and downtown Portland. A winning combination!

30 - On Internet Working Relationships
OK, maybe not the BEST part, but definitely one of those amusing perks. I mean, you can't just be talking to your BFF in a restaurant and get away with snorfing a wad in their face mid-conversation, right?

Amusingly enough (for me), a number of these were actually composed on my iPhone as I was lying in bed. Six of them, to be exact. :) Love my phone. Wish it ran Android. SOMEDAY. SOMEDAY!!! XAXAXAXAXAAAA!

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