Submitted by irk on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 3:08pm
As it turns out, I can use the power of my mind to control people's actions. I wish I would have discovered such a power before, because I'd probably have gotten a new job more quickly. I'll work on that after I'm done with this post. The important part is just that I have perfected the art of mind control via pixels.
How did I get this power? To be honest, who cares? It just matters that I have it and I'm going to abuse the heck out of it. Before I do that, though, I guess I'll explain how I discovered this amazing power.
I was chatting with Gabriel Gadfly about his recent sicknesses. Like all poets, Gabriel regularly comes down with consumption as a way of drawing inspiration from the looming shadow of Death. Also, he steals Death's wallet in times of reader donation slump.
Moved by his plight, I was struck with an idea, and decided to give him the best book design he will ever have:
I gave it to him. For some reason, he promptly laughed. UPON LAUGHING HE WAS STRUCK WITH THE INABILITY TO BREATHE FOR A SHORT TIME.
Now, the math is simple. I put "breathing isn't necessary" on a design, a person reads it, and they are suddenly unable to respire. I must admit up front that these are very awesome powers, and I did try to use them for only good.
...Screw that, look at this design!
MY PAYPAL ADDRESS IS CUISINIRK@GMAIL.COM , THANKS EVERYBODY.
