* * *
Alestere
* * *
Stevane leaves as I walk in, holding her finger to her lips. Ah, it seems Ebrelle's already gone to sleep. It's a tiny bit early for him, but I don't blame him for needing the rest. From what I heard from Stevane earlier, Ebrelle slept poorly all last night, having nightmare after nightmare.
I close the door behind my Poet, then walk further into the suite, my footsteps light. It's been a week since then, and Ebrelle never did take me up on my offer to have him escorted through peaceful dreams. That's no reason not to give him aid anyway. He needs his rest. He needs to be in his right mind again.
And whether he agrees with me or not, he needs to take his throne back.
It's strange to see the covers swallow him up as they do, as tall as he is. He's on his side, one arm tucked under his pillow, the other draped across the sheets. His brows are drawn in concentration, as if he's focused on finding the peaceful sleep that eludes him so well.
I lay my hand against his forehead. It's time to give him some aid.
What's so strange to sense in my brother is just how afraid he is. I never thought of Ebrelle as someone who could be afraid of as many things as he is now. He's always been so strong, so capable. He dominated everything he surveyed. At least... that's how it looked from the point of view of an observer. Being a puppet all that time, being forced to hurt all those he loved, to the point of breaking them... I understand why he wouldn't want to face all of that. But of course, it all comes back to face him again at night, when he can't run away.
How to steer him through sleep, then, when his mind is flooded with such troubled waters? It's daunting even to me, and I've helped bestow rest onto many a person. It's not the enormity of the task so much as the intrusiveness - Ebrelle has a very powerful mind, even in recovery like this. He's automatically rebuffed a few of my attempts to probe at him before, which is partially why we've trained Stevane to be an aid in that. Ebrelle has more trouble striking out at her automatically, either out of some kindness in him or out of innate fear of someone Armed who looks very much like the Judge. I don't want her to have to help me pry in either, though - this is a bit of a breach of trust, and I want Ebrelle to know that he can trust Stevane with his secrets and his life.
I'm contemplating just what I could do now when I hear an odd sound. It's the tense silence one produces when one desires an audience, yet politeness constrains one from knocking. Somewhat nuanced, I know.
I leave my brother's bedside, then, and make to exit his suite. At the door, I find a most unusual visitor, though not unwanted.
I bow in greeting. "Jhe Valtoryeh. An unexpected honor." He bows in turn. It's strange, watching the way he carries himself. His bearing is so very Xaillyndesse, but his face is not quite there. Eistinn has the face. And, well, the royal Xaillyndessen blood.
But between the grace, the long black hair, and the cold blue eyes, Jhe Valtoryeh fits right into the family. I suppose that's why Mother chose to splice him into it.
"Jhe h'Logos..." His eyes skirt over my face, and he loses track of what he was going to say for a moment. It's almost as if he looks regretful, but as he's barely spoken to me since we all were given life again, I can't be sure why.
"Shall we speak somewhere else more private?" I try to nudge him towards whatever it is that might be on his mind.
He shakes his head... then sort of nods. "In a way, I guess. Could we..." His eyes skirt towards the door to my brother's suite.
I raise my eyebrows, then wonder a little at his intentions. Jhe Valtoryeh is, as far as I've perceived and heard, impeccably trustworthy. Still, it feels a little odd to invite him into my brother's suite. Perhaps not incorrect, though. I suppose Ebrelle is, in some way, Jhe Valtoryeh's brother. "He sleeps already. I was attempting to ensure he did so peacefully when you knocked." Well, he didn't knock per se, but he would have eventually.
"That's... partly why I'm here." Jhe Valtoryeh draws himself up, his stance more assured... and very much like my brother at the top of his form. Of course, now that I think about it, Ebrelle probably learned some of his bearing from Jhe Valtoryeh and Eistinn. "I can help you. I can get into the places that you can't." He casts a furtive glance down the hall, nerves jumping up again. I realize that this may not be the best place to have this conversation.
"Well then, let's move along, shall we?" I open the door to Ebrelle's suite and wave Jhe Valtoryeh inside.
* * *
Val
* * *
I'm still accustoming myself to this place and its strange ways. Everything in Beleth feels so much cleaner, more pure from protection, less likely to have shadows encroach on it and smudge everything that's beautiful. I knew of Beleth through my time as Eistinn, but it hadn't been built by the time Thelea managed to get her hands on the me that was Valtoryeh. Chethar is such a distant memory - safe and secure, but weighty and rigid. Lyiannethe's mark has been left on my memories and on my mind, even after the long recovery of being Ales. I suppose most of my time in Radia has been in wide-eyed, quiet wonder. A sort of happy shock, when I'm not thinking about...
...About other things that I won't let myself dwell on. They're gone. In the past. No sense dwelling on the lost.
And then there is Ebrelle, who I did think was lost, and who I had no ability to save, in the end. Ebrelle, my dear younger brother, who had no idea what was coming for him, even though it had already come for me. Ebrelle, asleep in his suite, the same shadows haunting him as those that haunt me. I've not said a word to Alestere yet since entering. I just brush a hand over Ebrelle's cheek and remember when he was so young, and I was the bright star of the family.
Sometimes stars fall.
Alestere is a whisper of fabric next to me, and a warm, quiet breath. I stand up straight, then look down at him. "It's strange to see you so much older now."
He raises an eyebrow up at me, and I have to look away. He pats my elbow. "Let's see to our brother first, before we talk about the past."
That does seem best. My mind eases against Ebrelle's as if it were half of my own. Then I'm inside it, no effort, not even a pause to remember my old methods. It's like breathing for me, like letting my heart keep beating.
It's not just my skills speeding this along - Ebrelle's mind isn't being any imposition towards me. It makes sense, in a way - Eistinn and I took control of him once, and he trusted us so implicitly then. I've been through much the same as he has, too, when it comes to Mother-- to Thelea and Nul. I've had my mind broken and savaged and plunged into shadows. I've become their puppet, and seen my beauty marred into something I couldn't even look at in the mirror. Ebrelle and I have a lot in common - too much, in fact.
But it's enough to know where the tension lies in his mind, where his fears pool into the corners, and where the safe paths have been torn into and diverted in self-defense. There's no caves in his mind where he can curl up and be safe. He was never left that option by Thelea. Instead she forced him to crumble under his fears and submit to anything imposed upon him, tearing down any shelter he might have built up for himself. The only shelter he was allowed was for the purpose of keeping his brother alive, and that was the last one that Nul tore away from him. It took the longest, and left him with the most pain. And because it's the most recent, it's the freshest wound.
He's too afraid to build, now, and too overwhelmed with guilt to allow himself reprieve from his pain. It's difficult to watch if only for how much I commiserate. If it weren't for Eistinn's bright mind and irrepressible smile, I'd allow myself to do the same.
I feel Alestere's mind from over the horizon where Ebrelle's ends. It's like looking at the pale blue light before dawn. I'll need to give him something, or to lead him to something. He can't do this on his own right now. He's no resources, and he's unwilling to maintain his own strength long enough to let those resources renew. He needs an outside shelter... a person, maybe, or even a thing. He can't be afraid of the place his shelter is built upon, and he has to be willing to use it. Over time, his mind will heal, and then he can keep himself again.
Alestere seems to understand, but he asks me to withdraw. That does seem wise - there's nothing I can do here until I have outside assistance. It's also difficult to talk from inside such a paranoid space. I slide out, ease back into my own head again, and marvel at how clean and peaceful it is in comparison.
Eistinn really is a blessing.
The frown line deepens between Ebrelle's brows. He curls a bit tighter under the blankets, then shakes. When the nightmare rolls into his head, I feel it. Alestere winces right as he feels it too - I hear the echo of him sensing Ebrelle's nightmare, in fact.
And then I hear one more echo and blink. I turn to Alestere. He looks at me, unsurprised at my reaction, then gestures for me to back away from Ebrelle and sit at the small table across the room from the bed. Meanwhile, Ebrelle shakes but stays silent. I just ponder that other echo, still feeling it.
"Who is that?" I say in a voice so light that it might be a whisper.
Alestere grimaces, the expression sitting oddly with the dimples on his face. "Jhe h'Akribastes's daughter, Jhe Stevane. She serves as his caretaker, and shares a connection to his mind so that she can fulfill her duties. Ebrelle still flinches away from me out of guilt and in an echo of his and Elete's old patterns. Stevane carries no baggage with her, and Ebrelle was willing to train her so that her mind could have a tentative connection to his."
"That makes it simple, then. If she'll agree... and if Ebrelle will." I bite my lip and frown. "If it'll work, that is. The connection's a bit farther out than I'd immediately try for, but perhaps her distance will do him some good. Safe enough to be out of his range, close enough to reach out to him when he needs it."
Alestere raises an eyebrow. "Interesting. I hadn't quite thought of taking her that far into things... feared it inappropriate." He smiles, the expression yearning as much as it is a little sneaky. "'Sy has left for awhile, though."
I sit up straighter. I keep forgetting 'Sy's gone and reproduced so much. That used to be Rhia and I's territory, after all. It's so strange, thinking of his family connection to me, and Ebrelle and Alestere's connection to me. Too many lives, and I'm just one person to live them all. "It wouldn't hurt her. If she can already manage to hear his dreams, then it'd be an additional convenience for her if his dreams lightened up."
Alestere shakes his head, that grin of his too amused to be properly sad. "You don't realize how much 'Sy hates Ebrelle. Sometimes I think he outdoes Elete, and 'Sy's never had to be Ebrelle's sibling. But it's understandable - when Ebrelle managed to do his worst, 'Sy was either around to witness it or witness the affected parties, and the affected... were always close to 'Sy."
I glower down at the table, nibbling on my lip. That's no good - and it's worrying, in fact.
My youngest brother claps his hands then, making me jump. The sound was soft, but abrupt. His smile, though... it's a bit mischievous. "Well, as I said - he's departed for a bit of a vacation, hasn't he?"
My eyes widen. "You're just going to do it behind his back?"
"I think it seems like the best place to do most things."
* * *
Stevane
* * *
I love my Armed uniform. It's snazzy and proper and conveys my current achievements. I also like my pajamas. They're soft and fuzzy and warm, and they go very well with my bunny slippers. When I'm in my Armed uniform I feel like I can face anything, expect possibly grass stains. When I'm in my pajamas I feel I can face bed. I brush my teeth and think over my day. It's been alright. Jhe 'Brelle was a little stubborn today but that's to be expected. I think he's actually improving, even though I can sense his growing nightmare at the very edges of my perception. That's normal - or at least, it's what I've come to think of as normal at this point. It's not chilling him nearly as much as he was after last night, so hopefully it'll just die down and turn to normal dreams. Whatever passes for normal for Ebrelle, at least.
Well, that's all to do with my job, and it's over for now. I try to put the thoughts to bed just like I already saw Jhe 'Brelle to his. I let my mind wander to my life outside of the Poet Hall... and then find there's not too much to wander over. Especially now that Myles is out, traveling to who-knows-where. I try very hard not to think about the where part, lest I accidentally start to know where he is and compromise his security. I beg for a distraction, and then of course I hear Jhe h'Leste's voice between my ears.
Jhe Stevane, I apologize very much for inconveniencing you by asking when you've gotten all the way home, but I have a project with my brother that will no doubt interest you, and I think it would be best done now instead of in the morning.
I mull that over. Frrngh.
I get a reply that's more question than words.
I spit the foam out of my mouth and rinse. It's strangely hard to enunciate mental words when my mouth is full and I'm distracted. And believe me, this is not the most embarrassing situation to discover that in. Fine. Lemme get my boots back on.
There's no rush. His voice is light, as if he's speaking of something inconsequential. There's a forced edge to it, though, which tells me that he's quite grateful I decided to accept. Thank you very much, Jhe Stevane.
You're welcome. Hm. I wonder if it's about the nightmares. I lean over and lace my boots, Millie almost falling off of her perch on my shoulder as I do so. She digs her claws into my collar and purrs a disgruntled growl into my ear.
I reach up and scratch her ears, then walk out of Daddy's house almost as soon as I had walked in.
* * *
Val
* * *
After Alestere confirms Jhe Stevane's agreement to attend our meeting, he starts the tea. By the time it's ready to pour, I hear a very soft knock on Ebrelle's door. Alestere rises to let our partner in crime in. I'm not sure what I thought she would be like - I've seen 'Sy's children in passing, so I know what she looks like. I might've had a certain expectation about her demeanor. 'Sy was very quiet, brooding in fact, and resonated strength in ways that were subtle and other ways that were blatant. That may or may not quite correspond to the red-haired young lady standing in the doorway in fuzzy teal pajamas and combat boots. I'm not sure yet.
Alestere isn't surprised at all by her odd appearance, or at least doesn't look it. Then again, from what I've gathered so far about my youngest brother, he could politely welcome a cyclone and invite it to tea without batting an eye. He just smiles and conducts the girl inside.
Stevane offers me a polite bow, her demeanor a bit wary. I can tell that some of that is simply from her own fatigue. She's had a full day of watching over Ebrelle, which seems to be a constant battle of wills.
"Ah of course Jhe Stevane, thank you for leaving introductions to me. My associate here is still becoming acquainted with Radian titles. And names." Alestere strides forward, waving his hand to Stevane, a long robed sleeve trailing the gesture. "Jhe Stevane Akribastes, second-youngest daughter of Tesynnodai, thusly your niece."
The girl jumps a little, then skirts me an inquisitive look. I can't say that I blame her - Luci's been her only yardstick for uncles. It's a little sobering for me - when I disappeared from her world, 'Sy hadn't yet had any children besides Muriel - now he has what, dozens?
Alestere extends his other hand towards me, and I swear he savors the opportunity to be so grandiose. "Valtoryeh, your father's brother and also my own, though not through any shared heritage." He suppresses a chuckle at that. Stevane turns that confused look on him on full blast, and he finally caves, almost overcome with laughter. He shakes with the effort of keeping quiet - we don't want to wake my brother, rough as his sleep is. "You've been given a very brief summary of how I, Jhe Eistinn, and Jhe Valtoryeh all came to be in Radia, but I suppose the intricacies hadn't been laid out as such. Your family tree and mine have always been unruly and resistant to gardening, haven't they? Jhe Valtoryeh has certainly come into quite a lot of relatives at once." At my pained face, Alestere decides to move things past teasing and into more productive territory. "Jhe Valtoryeh is my eldest brother now, making Ebrelle the middle child, as it were. He has some ideas on how we all might be able to make Ebrelle's life and your own quite a bit easier."
Stevane's face grows focused once that's said, as if a knife that was assumed dull suddenly proved to be quite honed. She reminds me of 'Sy now. "Well, go on, I'm all ears." Then the honed edge conceals itself once more, and she glides up to the teaset and begins to serve it, her motions proper and practiced. I still feel so watched, though... and then I notice a tiny pair of eyes tracking my movements from within Stevane's massive red mane. Another of those 'shenanigan' things. I decide to ignore it.
Then I feel a weight on my head, and curse myself. I keep forgetting that ignoring them only attracts them, and now I have a purring hat. Well, there are worse conditions. I reach up and scratch its ears, trying to keep a straight face.
Stevane muffles a giggle, then reaches up to take the shenanigan from my brow. "Sorry. She's very friendly. She keeps doing that to the strangest people."
At my face in response, I think she realizes what she didn't mean to imply. Before she can make a horrified apology, Alestere sits in one of the chairs at the table. "Stevane dear, why don't you have a seat and we can get back to business. One of our goals is that you'll have adequate time to sleep after we're finished."
She takes the opening, grateful for a change of subject, and then we explain to her what exactly is called for.
She furrows her brows, then looks up at me. "So... you want to make my head into a sleep-tent?" She's only a little dubious, and mostly curious. I think that's a good sign. I look to Alestere - he holds his palm out to me.
I get to lay out the details, then. "That's the goal, at the heart of this. You don't have to share thoughts or even guide him through his dreams per se - he just needs a space to feel safe in."
Alestere nods. "Stevane, you should be well-prepared for keeping track of others being in your mind. I've seen to it that you've been trained to permit others in and keep them out, and Ebrelle himself has trained you even further in that area recently. Additionally, there's your Armed training, which I know to be quite a bonus when it comes to controlling what goes on in your mind and what moves within it. Are you willing to tend a garden in there that is mostly for someone else's mind to occupy?"
Stevane gives the question due consideration, which relieves me. She doesn't automatically agree to it just because it's been asked of her by her King. "Can it be undone? He won't need it forever, and I might find out that it's not the best idea for me."
I nod. "By no means will it be permanent. If you're willing to do it, though, you'll need to maintain it for at least a week, if not more. Letting him stay in that space mentally and then taking it from him before he adjusts would probably hurt him worse than leaving him as he is now."
She nods. "That's fair. And if he does something wrong in my head, can I kick his butt?"
I startle. Alestere just chuckles. "With my blessing, dear Stevane."
She grins. "Then let's get going."
It doesn't take long to prepare - first we have her lie down on the couch along the far wall. Then Alestere sends her into sleep, where Ebrelle already waits.
