* * *
'Sy
* * *
The night sky stretches on ahead of us, black and quiet, with only a dusting of stars to give us light. The breeze cuts across the grass, chill and dry and lovely. Already the green on the ground is thinning - soon it will give way to dry dirt and sand, and we'll be in the desert proper.
I've missed it. I miss being out here, on the path, moving. I've been cooped up in the Armed Hall or the Palace for far too long sorting out every little thing. It used to be different. I'm supposed to be out in the field, sniffing for trouble beyond our borders. Gathering information where it may be nesting. Most of all, exploring where my thoughts can roam. I haven't been able to go off some place where people won't bother me and just think.
Gerude and Erynn keep each other busy well enough, so there'll be plenty of opportunity for that.
We've set out on a new moon, which was my plan, and I'm glad I've kept it. Not only does it lend stealth to my three-person party, but Myles will find it very convenient for his purposes. I wouldn't entirely call it a loss if we three were spotted, but he needs to be kept absolutely secret. My group is just traveling to Robinstead openly - Myles will to be the liaison with our double-agent. I won't have Lyric be found out due to indiscretions, and I will protect him with every bit of secrecy I can manage. I haven't even told most of my children that Lyric isn't really a traitor, though certain Armed know, such as Lute and the rest of the Shadows. There's no telling when any of them might be in the position to cross his path, and they're the ones with allowances to kill someone quietly without notice, and without too much checking ahead of time, if it means getting their jobs done. Letting them know Lyric isn't a criminal is necessary to keep him alive for as long as his mission lasts.
Anyone else, though... it's a rare person who knows about it outside of that circle and those of us in charge. Very few Poets know, of course. They talk too much for me to take that risk. I sigh, then turn to grumble to Katherine about it.
...Ah.
It's a little hard without Katherine here. I knew it would be, and in a way I can only blame myself for the decision, but I stand by it. Dragging her with me and endangering her would run counter to everything that I am and that I stand for. It's just...
Out here, with so much space around me and so much room to think, it's so much easier to notice where I am and where she isn't. I have my habits, and she became ingrained in them long before now. Those habits stretch back, far back, back before she was even a twinkle in Luciprochoros's eye, and my partner was a different person entirely.
Oh, my.
It's been so long since I've really thought about Rhia, hasn't it? Even with Val back with us, I hadn't really... but I've been so busy. Everyone's been so busy. And after telling him that Rhia's gone, not just gone but dead, and I couldn't bring her back again, no matter how hard I tried, well...
Well, I wanted to stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about her, before I really could dwell on it again. I don't remember how I felt when she died that second, final time. I remember being a cold, stone wall of a person, and every problem just gliding past me as if over the edge of a sword. But now I'm out here, alone with my mind, without even Katherine to distract me. That makes me miss her even more, makes me want her here to distract me just for this. Because to be honest... I never want to have to think about Rhia again. Telling Val what happened hurt enough.
Losing the partner I had in Rhia was enough, losing her twice was too much, and losing Katherine permanently in addition to that? I will not allow it to happen.
That makes me feel better about being out here alone, at least. I look up at my two traveling partners. They're kicking up the dust a few yards behind me, bickering about something, and somehow that makes me happy. It's normal.
I wave them forward. It's time we settled down for the evening and made camp. I can sleep under the stars once more, and perhaps lose myself in that for a time.
* * *
Myles
* * *
So this is what it feels like to be on my first mission. I always sort of wondered. Would I be self-sufficient enough to actually make it on my own? Would I get lonely? Would my Arms finally become talkative? Thete says so little that I once tried to check whether he could speak. It's one of those things that I only realized was stupid after the fact, but it didn't take me long to regret it. I must say my appreciation of brevity grew from the experience.
The trail hasn't extended his vocabulary any, but he's certainly happy. And, well, so am I. I couldn't put a finger on it, but it just feels good to be doing what I'm meant to do, fulfilling some purpose that's always been there, latent, just waiting patiently.
Still, it's pretty lonely out here. Is that how it's going to be from now on? I didn't end up in the most social division, though Jhe Iaen certainly has plenty of chances to meet new people. It's just me and my horse out here, with Thete calmly regarding the world from the sheathe strapped to the side of my horse. He apparently finds it amusing to stay sideways for so long - he's used to being strapped to my back, but it's hard to keep a bastard sword there when you're riding.
I keep an eye out for the Judge's campfire, but I've navigated the way I should and apparently he's made sure to meander quite far from my path. I might be able to track his smoke on the horizon if the moon were full, but it's not. All the better. His trail wanders farther south - I'm cutting north to intercept Lyric faster.
Heh. I almost wish I could write to Stevane and let her know that I get to see the brother she's fretted so much about. She's never mentioned a thing about the possibility of him being a traitor, not even saying that she didn't think he was. I've never asked, but I suspect she knows on some level that he's innocent, and keeps that secret the same way she has all the others. She just never betrays the fact that she might even know them at all.
Hm. I wonder just how Lyric's going to make it down here in time for me to intersect with his trail at all. He's got quite a ways to go, after all - I'm just traveling from Beleth. But then, working for someone like Thelea, who knows what resources are at his disposal now?
* * *
Lyric
* * *
The breeze whips my hair back away from my face, and for the first time I'm grateful that it's been cut. The cropped length is a lot more suitable for this type of travel, especially now that I'm sitting up and taking a more active role in things. Clinging to an almost-dead half-possessed guy strapped to a bird's back isn't my idea of travelling in style.
Arbvi flicks his glassy yellow gaze at me for a moment, then turns his attention forward again. The brown-feathered Avian tugs the reins up just a bit, directing the windbird to soar just a little higher.
I thought I'd be afraid, especially considering that the last time I was on a windbird, it landed by crashing. Instead I'm exhilarated. Even with the thick scarf wrapped over my mouth and behind the flight goggles, I feel so much a part of the air and the clouds above! It's like my very heart is flying, lifting me up with its joy. It's not often I think for long on my Haerphitl heritage, but there's no doubt at this moment - my Mother was the wind.
Having fun? The voice barely surprises me at all, sliding into my own thoughts as if it were one of them. I smile behind my scarf.
More so than I thought. I thought this would feel dangerous, pretending to do Thelea's dirty work.
Elric snorts, the sound ticklish in my thoughts. Do you mean to say it isn't?
My smile becomes a grin. Some things aren't any fun unless they're dangerous.
Well then, I'm sure what I'm about to tell you will make it ever so much more thrilling in the field. His voice is still mirthful, so I don't feel as much foreboding as I might from someone else. Possibly it's just my relief at hearing from him - there was very little opportunity to do so while I was stuck with Thelea, and it made being with her even worse than it already was.
Oh? Go on, I'm looking forward to it already.
Your Father came to the Hall today so that I could tell him about recent developments with you. He knows you're on your way to Robinstead. Jhe h'Logos was kind enough to inform me that the Judge is also on his way there-- not because of you, but because he happens to have a mission there as well. You should expect to be intercepted.
My blood goes a bit cold, and it's not because of the altitude. I tell myself that I'm spying for Father and that he's not going to stop me. It still doesn't stop my heart from racing.
Elric goes on, as he tends to do. Jhe h'Logos says that the Judge is so busy that he probably forgot... well, I know he's just making excuses, I'm Poet enough to see what's really going on. Your Father's too secretive to tell us Poets the exact details of your interception, so it's up to you to stay on alert. It's likely he just wants a sort of rendezvous, but you know as well as I that it could be dangerous for you if you're caught doing that out in the open. Also... Elric seems troubled now for the first time. He hasn't told everyone about your being a double-agent, lest he endanger you, so don't expect everyone you know to be friendly to you.
I don't know what it is, but that statement puts me the most on edge. Probably because it's going to impact my mission the most. Oy, keeping my motivations secret from Thelea's side is hard enough - now I get to play-act for Father's side as well? Brilliant.
You don't sound too sad about it. Maybe it's a stray gust getting through my scarf, but it feels like Elric's chuckle tickles the hairs on the back of my neck.
Well... no. I lean forward into the wind, looking out ahead of me. The sky's full of stars, and every now and then a fire outside or a stray house lit from the inside will dot the landscape and make it glow. It's beautiful. Even when working for Jhe o'Audiva Rocale, there were times when I relished a challenge. Now it feels even better because I'm doing it for the right reasons.
Elric's smile blooms in the back of my mind. Just be careful, dear.
We soar over the land, faster than any of Father's spies.
* * *
Aaren
* * *
I lie on my back and think as I examine the ceiling. There's nothing interesting on it, of course, but I'm seeing through a different set of eyes right now.
Emily is almost on the roof, looking out through one of the windows in the top floor of the Poet Hall. I'd expect her to be in her room right now, ready to sleep. Instead, she's watching the stars, which means I can watch the stars. I can note the constellations sketched in her imagination over the horizon, and I can hear, faintly, her name the different ones as she contemplates them.
Ribaldi, the Messenger. Authra and Athara, the Two Lovers. Ethere, the one that many people call The Other Lover. That story varies depending on who you ask... and Emily, it seems, knows several versions of the story. One where it's just the two, one where they're all three together, one where Athara is torn between Authra and Ethere...
I tend to believe they're all true, you know, just different stages of one relationship. She smirks. A shame there's no constellation for the end of the story where they all three split up when they're sick of each other.
I grin. Sorry to intrude.
You're supposed to intrude, it's why Jhe h'Logos had me let you in in the first place. And why you let me in. If you didn't start intruding, I'd go poking you, and my view's more interesting than yours.
I nod, then wonder if I should sleep now. Something's nagging at me, though. Not just that cold hollow part of my head where Schiphael's voice should be, and not the little echoes of pain I still sometimes feel from when they had to take him from me. Those both heal more every day, seem less obtrusive, even less real. Emily's smirk is always in the back of my mind, surprisingly warm, surprisingly normal. I got used to it within an hour. That doesn't nag - if anything, it soothes most of the things that would nag at me.
No, this is... a little more elusive. It's the weight of a falsehood, I realize. It should have been obvious, but I don't have Schiphael to draw my attention to the Law anymore. That sort of hurts, but it's not my fault, not my shortcoming, and I didn't do it...
Emily notices my mind curling in on itself, and I feel her take notice. She doesn't even have to talk, really. She just lets me know someone's watching, someone's feeling, someone's noticing things with me the way Schiphael would if he were still in my grasp. I don't have to explain myself to her, but she'll listen if I want to talk.
I don't just want to, I have to. We won't be able to go on as we have been unless I explain things, unless I know we both understand what Jhe h'Akribastes asked me to do today. And, well, what I had to lie to him about.
It's not so much of a lie, in the grand scheme of lies. You didn't tell him a falsehood, really.
I sigh. The fact that Emily can say that means that I've already lied to the Judge, and the fact that I have really hurts me, because he's worked so hard to keep me alive and sane. He's been a lot more concerned about my livelihood than my late Father, that's for sure. But I didn't tell him that his request was impossible, and I knew at the time that it was.
She mentally shrugs, the gesture nudging at my thoughts. You had a choice. You could tell him what he wanted was impossible, and then he'd fret over the dangers and possibly hampered his own missions because of his preoccupation, or you could say that you'd do your best and put his mind at ease and nothing's any different afterwards. I don't really mind. I'm not offended that he doesn't trust me.
And what gets me is that she isn't offended. I would feel it if she were. She doesn't care at all what the Judge thinks of her. I wish he understood, is all. He can tell me "don't tell the Poets anything, even Jhe Emily," but he doesn't seem to understand that I can't shut you out of my head and I don't want to. I sigh. It's like he asked me to keep a secret from my Arms.
Before I can start stewing over Schiphael's absence again, she says: I guess it's a good idea for me to ask you if you want help.
I blink. That was an unexpected path to go down. Help?
Well, you're technically on a mission now, and as I sort of half-think inside your head and you do so in mine, we're gonna have to coordinate or you're gonna end up in a mess. I mean, I'd just stay out of it by default, and not even mention what it is that your mission is. But it'd be safer for both of us if I helped, wouldn't it?
I try to forgive myself for checking, for just half a moment, if she's really an undercover spy. She knows I check, too. That's the worst part.
There's that impression of a sideways-smile. It's a high compliment, Aaren, and I'm happy to know that you're always on alert. It makes me feel safer to know that all of the ones like you in the Armed, whoever they are, never stop being on the alert. She pauses, mulling something over. It's gotta make it hard for you all when you're in bed, though.
I snort. On so many levels. But seriously, Emily, you know this is dangerous.
Jhe h'Logos told me how much danger I'd be in, Aaren. He told me he'd already foreseen that there was more to our partnership than just healing you - that if I accepted, I might be drawn into things that I could never talk about to any other person besides you and the Judge. I'd see your memories, I'd hear your thoughts, and... well, he knows none of the Armed ever really go inactive. He... he said whatever my decision was would affect the rest of my life, Aaren. I know this is dangerous. He was almost afraid to offer me the assignment at all.
You know, I never thought about Emily deciding to be in my head, of the fact that she didn't have to, could have chosen to do something else. I accepted her as a new part of my life and moved on and never really questioned. Thank you. I don't know how to add enough weight onto that, to make it mean what it should. I probably can't.
S'no problem. She says it in the same patient, impassive voice as someone would repeat knitting instructions with.
Her idea is pretty intriguing, and probably sound. If I'm going to be involved in subterfuge, we need to be acting in concert or we'll just end up endangering one another. Still, that means bringing her in pretty deep. We Shadows have the ability to draft in people who might be necessary to a mission - not as Armed, or official parts of the division, but as accomplices, confidants and informants. Emily's a subtle person, she's capable, and she's definitely able to understand whatever instructions I give her. She's in a unique position for that. You want to be recruited as an enemy double-agent, then?
She jumps, then braces her hands on the window sill. Is that a come-on?
I shake my head. Serious. I need to bring something to the table if I'm gonna be able to do as the Judge asked. I think Audiva Rocale's current agents will give me some attention but it won't look serious unless I have a recruit. The Judge thought I'd be using another Armed in uh... my line of work. I think it'd be more believable if it were a Poet from a completely different walk, though. You're technically more of an asset than any of my comrades.
Damn, you're really thinking about this. You're going to do this. Emily peers at the horizon, her eyes looking over the city now and ignoring the stars. You'd do this if I weren't in your head, too. If you really needed to, if it was part of your duty to the Judge.
I nod. If the Law required it.
That's crazy. She doesn't say it spitefully, more with a bit of awe that all Armed trainees seem to be good at projecting. Not that I ever smell Armed on Emily, but she understands things well. She empathizes. She doesn't waste time freaking out over things, just accepts them instead. What do I need to do?
I laugh aloud. I've done the recruitment dance once or twice. If only it'd been this easy before. You don't do anything for awhile. You've been sort of my handler when it comes to my mind and my moods - in the game we're about to play, I'm your handler instead. I do the talking, and I do it for a long time. You'll probably hear it, since I'll be writing to correspond. Heck, with all luck you won't even have to do anything. I just earn some trust by offering a potential new double-agent in addition to myself. It'll be a long time before they ever hear details about you, if they ever even do.
She sounds excited, or at least happy, in response. That's actually kind of neat.
I try not to mull over it too hard. I'll be able to do my job, she'll be able to do hers, and the Judge won't need to know the rest of it. He'll just know I'm doing what he asked... more or less.
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