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Katherine
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He is all around me, a cool current in a sun-warmed river, and he tastes of the ocean and mystery and oh by the stars what am I supposed to be doing--
Just as suddenly, 'Sy is there, a fire before the flood. The feel of his skin on my back gives me a point of reference, and I'm remembering. I'm here to dive, and as I feel 'Sy reach past me
and feel his fingers curl through those silk-black locks, pulling his head away from mine and grinding into his
dammit I need to concentrate
I find a small opening and dive.
I'm standing in a cool fog, my toes splashing in the thinnest sheet of water. It covers everything, and below the reflections of the stars, I see veins of silver running through deep indigo ripples. I feel the urge to follow one of those ripples, and move as quietly as I can through the mists.
On another level, my skin meets cool air, and the mist around me trembles as I fight for focus. I shiver as a whirlwind of fire curls around me, burning away a bit of the fog, and feel the ghost-kisses along my shoulders, hot and cold in a mirror pattern. Below my feet, the tinest flecks of green appear in the indigo. I pick up my pace, trying to find where this path leads before I am thrown clear of this level completely. A hand cups my breast, and my vision wavers, and then the heat of fingers caressing and parting, then being rocked and stroked nearly brings me to my knees.
I catch myself, and lose sight of the sensations bleeding in from outside as I find myself teetering on the edge of a chasm. Some of my alarm must have reached 'Sy -- the warmth at my back takes on a different sort of intent, more shielding than caressing. I take a few deep breaths and regain my inward focus.
The edges aren't as ragged as I had expected, but they're still... well, masticated, even as they seem to lack any particular direction. I'm reminded of the frantic gnawing of a fox in a trap, and shudder.
If you can still hear me -- 'Sy grunts, prompting a small smile -- I've found the top layer of... whatever this is. 'Sy, it looks like he's eating himself.
He's what?!
I sense the impending pull as 'Sy reacts just in time to dig in an anchor in this spot, and then I'm pulled out of Elete's mind and firmly into my own.
He's looking at me with those wide blue eyes, shock-pale even for a Xaillyndesse. I notice with some small amount of embarrassment that I'm still physically entangled with him, but 'Sy is wrapped around us both, leaving me no room for escape. His mouth closes, then opens again, soundlessly, and confusion and hurt anger bleed in where our minds are still touched.
I had to look, I whisper, sounding weak even in my own head. I am sworn to help at all cost, Elete.
I didn't ask... I mean, but I didn't expect you to find... His eyes brim over with tears. I would never... what...
Perhaps it's the anchor, but when the sorrow rushes forth and sweeps him away, it pulls me under with him.
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'Sy
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Katherine collapses against him, and at the same time I feel her turn and dive into Elete, throwing herself towards the center of the maelstrom swirling in his mind. I hold on to her as best I can, wrapping my arms around them both as the inside of my mind feels like it's trying to stay afloat in whitewater rapids.
I crack open an eye. Katherine's mouth is angled across Elete's, her hands twined in his hair as she grinds her whole body against them. Trying to regain control of their dive. She shifts against me at the same time, and for a moment my attention on the pair is entirely physical.
'SY!
I hiss a curse, then close my eyes and rest my cheek on the nape of her neck, pulling her closer to me. Everything inside is being tossed around, and as I'm trying to figure out a way to find her, one of her hands wraps around my wrist. Her eyes are wide, scared.
'Sy, I can't hold him alone! I try to reach past her, grab a handful of anything, but she just as urgently bats my hand away. No, no... no, I think I have it...
She bucks against me so violently that I'm thrown back. She pushes away from Elete as well, still twisting her fist in his hair, and looks at me, panting heavily. "Rope. We need rope."
For one long moment, I am motionless with surprise. I knew she was into some rather --
It's not for me! Damn, sometimes you're so like Ge... just get some rope. He needs to be bound. He needs the structure. GO!
I scoot off the bed, disgruntled at the brusque treatment, then shove it aside. What she says makes sense, after all. Elete came to Radia damaged and bound. Perhaps not physically, but inside he was such a mess of knotwork and binds that the wonder wasn't that he could stay up, but that he could move.
I agree. He needs this, and I think we were on the right path, but he's not going to accept anything without... I feel her wave of nausea and disgust as she finishes -- without it being forced on him. He just isn't going to ask for help, no matter how badly I want him to.
I frown as I walk back into the bedchambers, rope curled around my shoulders. Elete is lying still on the bed. I take a moment to check that he's still breathing, then shift the coils onto my arms. "Why is his permission so important?"
She turns and looks at me, green eyes wet with frustration. "Because I can't help him as the Advocate if he can't ask." She turns away, gathering the end of the rope in her hands. Her knuckles tighten around the knots she's forming, turning white with the strain. "It's not a matter of vocalizing it. 'Sy, he couldn't understand what he needs help for if we wrote it for him!" She pauses, gathering a firmer grip on her emotions. "If he can't ask, 'Sy, then all we can do is try to stabilize him. He can never heal."
I take the ropes from her hands, then pull her against me. She snorts into my ribs, then turns her cheek. Even if I am incapable of understanding her, I am capable of supporting her enough that she doesn't seem to mind. I hate it. I absolutely hate it when I can't save them, and Elete... he can't even try. He can't even choose to say 'no' instead of 'yes'...
We don't know that's the whole of the situation, Kathe. You may yet find a solution.
She shakes her head, gently pushing me towards the bed. "Secure him. He's going to start fighting again once I remove the blocks and he feels those ropes." She sighs, then shoots me a crooked, knowing grin. "I trust you'll know how to distract him then?"
"Of course." I form a sturdy cuff over one of Elete's ankles, then secure it to the bed and move around to the other. "You?"
I glance up in time to see her bite her lip and grin at Elete. "I'll see if I can stabilize the edges of that tear while you're occupying him." If I figure it out fast enough, I might enjoy the show a bit before calling for you.
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Katherine
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All humor aside, diving back into this hungry tempest that is Elete is not the easiest thing to convince myself to do, even with the anchor to guide me. The chasm opens before me once more, and I study it a moment, choking back the horror that builds as I watch pieces of him simply vanish, or writhe away and disappear into the impenetrable blackness within the maw. I long to reach out and try to stop it, do something to make that awful disintegration stop, but without 'Sy distracting him enough that I can find my way through Elete's defenses, I'm not going to be any use.
The churning eases a little, then quiets. A dank, crawling sense of anticipation hangs in the air, and even the walls of the chasm are still. Everything feels at attention, completely tuned to some unseen, imposed stricture.
I've found something. Gedulah's voice sounds choked. As soon as the ropes... wait a few more moments for Tesynnodai to... to move things along, and we should have some sort of opening. Look --
The blue and black darkness around me suddenly comes to life with thousands upon thousands of thin, golden streams of light. They run through the entirety of Elete, illuminating the knotwork inside of him.
There are so many, Ged'ya. I look around, unable to make even the slightest sense of the tangles and knots. Where do we start?
I pick a thick cord between myself and the chasm and reach for it, running my hands over the texture and the twist of it. I don't even understand how this was formed. It's not even an energy that should be harming him, not like this... I look around and shiver. I don't know what it is, but I'm afraid undoing it will undo Eleth-travente rather than free him. I sink to my knees, still holding the cord.
It's a risk worth taking, Khatharina, Gedulah says gently.
You're right, of course. I look around and sigh. Where do I begin?
"Begin with me." I turn around, the cord dropping out of my hands in shock.
It's only a piece of her, Gedulah whispers. But... she would be a good place to start.
I nod. "Jhe Deuesh, it is an honor..." My vision wavers as tears flood my eyes. She wraps her arms around me, and I laugh brokenly into her hair, the black strands sticking to my cheeks as I pull away.
"Jhe Cruxradia... oh, Kathe dear, please stop or I'll start as well!"
Is that really possible for her now? Gedulah chuckles, shades of Gevurah coloring her voice.
Hush, you. I know she's only a part of Elete's mind. Let me enjoy the illusion a bit longer. I wipe my cheeks and smile. "Ivae, I need your help. Elete --"
"I know." She frowns, tiny lines appearing between her eyebrows, an expression Elete must have seen on her face thousands of times in the classrooms. I find myself wondering if I would ever be so loved as to be remembered so precisely. "I can show you where it goes out, but I don't know how to stop it." She shivers delicately, wrapping her arms over her chest. "I wondered for years. I should have asked for help earlier. I should..."
That is Elete speaking through her, Gedulah murmurs. I nod, but I still feel the prickling of a hunch tickling the back of my neck. "Ivae, that's gone and past. Help me now. Where does... where does it go out?"
Ivae takes a deep breath and nods. "The place isn't far. Follow me." She glances up, hugs herself once more, and starts walking. Gedulah and I stay a couple of paces behind, the hair rising on my arms as we walk closer to the chasm. "I tried to stop it myself, before we sank," she says, her eyes fixed on the darkness in front of us. "He... Elete reacted badly." She looks at me, her deep brown eyes flecked with a blue they didn't have in life. "I know he didn't mean to hurt me, and really, he only scared me quite a bit. I..." She looks away, and when she speaks, I have to strain to hear the words. "I didn't understand what he said then, but I knew it for what it was, Kathe."
"I understand." I shiver. It's no lie -- all of us are afraid to even name the language of unmaking, and hearing it is one of the greatest terrors a Poet faces before they're allowed to fully graduate. To hear it is enough to destroy, but to speak it is to have the Poet dance with destroying themselves as well.
Is it possible this is the result of that slip?
Gedulah ponders the question, then brushes it aside. No. The tongue may have accelerated the damage, but this wound is much older than Ivae. This damage was done long before he escaped to Radia, Khatharina.
"It's here," Ivae chokes, grabbing my arm. "Down there. I won't go closer." She shudders, tears welling in her eyes. "It pulls you in and eats you. It took Mailynna..."
I wrap an arm around her shoulders as I look down on the edges of the chasm. She feels much more substantial than I suspected... much less Elete. Gedulah... is it possible this is really a piece of Ivae?
I suppose? They were married, after all. If he... if they carried that bond with them past her death... that just might be a true part her.
Even more reason to keep her from being drawn into that chasm.
There's a small gust, but whatever 'Sy is doing is holding. "Ivae, I need to go down there and look. If I can find a way to close it, it will help, won't it?"
She nods, hugging herself so tightly her knuckles turn white.
"I'll be back. Wait here for me, OK?" I draw Gedulah, take a deep breath, and begin making my way down towards the edge.
Is this the wisest thing to be doing?
Probably not. I skid slightly, dropping to my knees. I can't think of a better way to see what's happening in here, though.
Gedulah is silent, which I take as assent.
There is some manner of opening here, and I can feel a gentle rush as whatever passes for air in this sort of mental space flows into it.
That's his life.
My eyes widen, and I nearly fall. Hearing it so bluntly...
If we find a way to close it off, we may be able to begin putting things back together.
I nod and close my eyes, reaching for the space around the opening, trying to get a feel for it. I explore the structure, the way it seems to twist in on itself and disappear into nothing. The opening itself is ragged. It reminds me of ground spider burrows...
The mindspace around me shudders violently, nearly throwing me over the edge. I automatically reach for Gedulah, and she buries herself into Elete's mind, twining herself into it. Waves of horror roll over me, and the breeze whips up into a furious gust. Ivae screams, and I see her sliding towards the opening.
Khatharina!
My hands slip on Gedulah's hilt. Dammit, it's pulling everything in! What the blazing hells HAPPENED? I feel the tips of my toes brush the opening. It's cold, so incredibly cold. The pain arcs up my nerves, and I squeak out a thin scream.
I don't know! Gedulah's grip slips. Khatharina...!
I close my eyes, curses building in layers in my thoughts. My foot slips in further, and I scream, loud and full, and it feels like every built-up profanity flies out of my mouth at once, and everything goes black.
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