As it turns out, I can use the power of my mind to control people's actions. I wish I would have discovered such a power before, because I'd probably have gotten a new job more quickly. I'll work on that after I'm done with this post. The important part is just that I have perfected the art of mind control via pixels.

How did I get this power? To be honest, who cares? It just matters that I have it and I'm going to abuse the heck out of it. Before I do that, though, I guess I'll explain how I discovered this amazing power.

I was chatting with Gabriel Gadfly about his recent sicknesses. Like all poets, Gabriel regularly comes down with consumption as a way of drawing inspiration from the looming shadow of Death. Also, he steals Death's wallet in times of reader donation slump.

Moved by his plight, I was struck with an idea, and decided to give him the best book design he will ever have: