Chapter 3 - Confessional

RADIA

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Lyric
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It's not my fault.

I keep trying to think that as Father leads me through Radia's Palace. I don't want to even think of what I'm doing in here. I'm still in the servant robes I was wearing in Audiva Rocale. I'm lucky no one's around to see me, and it doesn't even cross my mind that there might be a reason for that. I don't want to think of much at all, because I'm afraid of Father picking up on those thoughts.

He makes one of those deep sighs, and the sound brings back memories. My mind queues up the long history of disappointments he's had with me while I grew up here. Then, without any warning, he stops in his tracks, boots planted firmly on the marble and malachite tile. I look up at him.

Ever since he laid eyes on me for the first time since I ran away, his expression has been so strange when he sees me. I never remembered him looking that hard at me back before I left home. That weird sort of stern yet almost apologetic searching.

"It's because I'm trying not to upset you by looking too deep."

I blink.

"You never worried before about how many of your thoughts I could hear, how much of you I could see beneath the facial expression." He frowns, a tiny line forming between his brows. "...That's a lie, isn't it?" It's so strange to hear him say that.

"...I did, but it was when you weren't around me to hear." He looks a little hurt at that. He's probably more hurt than he looks, knowing my Father. "I...maybe we should talk."

He looks away, to the path ahead. "We have to talk to your Uncle first." He hears me gulp. "...Not for a scolding. He wanted to see you as soon as you arrived. He missed you." Why's he look so uncomfortable? What's wrong? "Lyric...a...you should start finding your old friends and family, once you're fit for it."

"...I should?" Just being here is making my head spin. Fit for it?

"You were missed." I swear he almost chokes on the words. "Come on." No, it's just that he sounds gruff, that's what it is. Maybe he's angry. I follow him as he continues to walk. The Palace is big, but I don't recognize this arm of it. It's...it looks like a private wing. Maybe that explains why I can be walked about in this clothing.

"...Lyric? Are you alright?" He looks down at me again. I realize I'm lagging behind. I'm also breathing a little heavily.

"I...feel a little funny." That's probably the worst way I could describe it, I know. The look on his face says the same. "Kind of tired and dizzy. I'll be better when I can sit down. And change clothes."

He frowns. "Should Gerald come with us? Would that make you feel better? We can go back to his quarters and get him. He's stayed awake under more fatigue than that before." It's weird hearing him break into a officer's tone in that last sentence, instead of a father's. I'm still not used to it, but then, I never was.

I bite my lip. "...He doesn't have to. He should rest. I can do this." Father makes this weird little frown, like he did before, and I realize with utter horror that he's trying not to cry, and he's failing.

Oh, shit. And to think I just thought that he was mad at me. I start walking again, trying not to show that I saw that. It would just make things even more awkward right now. I'm pretty sure he didn't want me to ever notice that, anyway. So I'll pretend.

"...So, how has Unkie been?" My tone is unusually chipper and light.

He laughs. It's the most awkward chuckle in the world, with an extra weight to the 'hurr' in the middle. "He just got five new shipments of coffee in. He's fine." And with that, we've reached the door to Uncle Lui's suite, which I guess is pretty impressive. Well, it's got to be pretty grand, he's the King of Radia and whatnot.

It's just...well, easy to forget, but I kind of remember while staring up at the big wooden door, which, all things told, could be bigger. This is a private entrance, so there's not so much showyness needed. I think I'm used to that from the Peacock King. Still, the Royal Cruxradia Seal embossed into the door in bronze makes me start to wonder. Am I here to see Uncle Lui, or am I here to see the Jhe o'Radia?

Well, he did miss me.

Father knocks lightly on the door.

"Come in!" Uncle Lui's voice is as light and cheerful as I remember it almost always being. That's good. It means he's already had his morning coffee, which a relief in itself. Father opens the door and looks down at me, waiting for me to go ahead.

"Aww, don't be nervous. I missed you. Get in here!"

I jump a little, but Father pushes me a little between the shoulders, and that gets me to finally move. I walk in, still...on guard. It's Unkie's study, just like usual, where I've been tons of times. Well, usually not this area, this looks a little more private. I can feel the wards. They're powerful, but not like Ebrellin-i's were. Those stifled and choked, or chained. These more...just muffle sound. Privacy wards. And I'm sure there's security wards as well, but they're elegant or quiet enough that I can't really pinpoint them, and I give up on it.

This place is sort of like a den in a big hunting cabin, touched with the refinement and, well...expensiveness that only comes with high levels of royalty. Uncle Lui doesn't bother with a lot of pomp and showoff, but he allows himself what he's due...or, at least, that's how he usually says it. Dark wood paneling edged with ornate plaster molding, thick carpets and cushy armchairs and couches, and--

"--I got him, 'Sy." I blink in confusion. I'm staring up at the ceiling. Unkie's smiling down at me like absolutely nothing's wrong, and I can feel Father hovering all concerned in the background. "Wards got him pretty good! I can't wait to see what's attached to him that triggered that--" He stops himself, looks over his shoulder at my Father, and sighs. "Relax. He'll be all right. I figured something like this would have happened. Here, Lyric, we're gonna put you on the couch, okay?"

"...Okay." I don't understand. Why am I so dizzy?

"Because Audiva Rocale doesn't let things go without a fight, even if one of those things doesn't belong to it. Such a shame my wards are specifically tooled to fight that sort of thing." His voice has that cheerful tone laid over great annoyance, which doesn't really distress me because it's kind of a default for Unkie. He smooths my bangs back from my forehead and looks at the center of it. "Here, 'Sy. It's a pretty easy mark. More of a signature move of Ebrelle's." He looks into my eyes and smiles. "Confusing, isn't it? Don't worry, it'll all be explained once it's fixed. Just don't worry, and try to keep your eyes open. It's easier for us to see it that way."

I frown. I try to do as he says, but of course I immediately want to blink. "See what?"

"Something that has no business being there." Father puts his hand against my forehead, his palm centered over the spot Uncle Lui was inspecting. I feel something very warm under there. Under my skin, I mean. Maybe under my skull too. It...squirms?

Unkie's hand squeezes mine. "Don't worry. Just let your Dad do his work."

"When did you sign a contract with Ebrellin-i, Jhe o'Audiva Rocale, Lyric?" Father's voice is very clear. It sounds official, but somehow it doesn't make me panic.

"When he hired me as a trainer. It was right after I entered his Palace and proved my worth. It was just about being paid and what sort of work I would do."

Father shakes his head. Uncle Lui sighs. "It would have been enough for him to build on, given enough leverage," Unkie says, then traces a finger over my cheek, examining something I can't see. "Did you read it very well? No, you didn't. It would have set in after awhile, especially once you started performing outside of your Trainer duties, hmm? That's not typically the type of role a Consort plays, after all. This probably really hit you when he put the makeup on you for that role."

Whatever's under Father's palm pulses. I squirm a little. That really hurt. "I...there was more after that...he collared me..." It hurts to talk.

"There's more at work here than you can talk about, Lyric. You're sealed. Shh," Uncle Lui braces against me, so that I don't squirm off of the couch. "This is going to hurt."

Father grunts. "Don't say things like that, Jheida, it always makes them fidget more." His brow furrows as he stares at my forehead. Looking at his eyes makes me shiver. They're blazing gold, the tone so bright that it's like some metal molted down and ready to pour into a mold. "That's it." Eyes that don't look into me, they pour into me, soaking into everything inside of me and examining it with incredible scrutiny. "Just like that." Like...like wax, really, golden wax, and when you pull it out things catch in it it that don't belong and then the vessel left behind is clean and just a little sticky--

My Father sighs heavily. "Slightly inelegant at the last part, but you're a beginner." He pulls his hand away, revealing...

I look in his palm, perplexed. "What is that?"

Father snorts. "Crusted and broken remnants of half-cast, badly controlled spells." He turns to Uncle Lui. "He's losing his touch."

Uncle Lui raises his eyebrow at the ashen mess in Father's palm. It's like gemstones had been burnt down into charcoal and then half ground up. His lip curls. "Tainted more than focused. Half that work I doubt he even did on purpose. It's like seeing the cast-off clay bits left over from pouring into a mold. Interesting, and useful for something, but hardly a finished product. Lyric, do you feel any better?"

"I really hate these clothes."

"That's because they're gauche, dear." He squints. "And also bugged a bit themselves, though that doesn't matter inside the wards. 'Sy, does he have a change?"

My Father shakes his head. "He'll need some clothes. Nothing will set him right like a good shopping trip, I'm sure." He sighs.

"You have a lot to attend to, and soon so shall I. Why don't you see to it while I talk to him?" For some reason, this makes my Father smile in a way that's a grimace. "...You have news for me after, don't you?"

Father laughs. "Of course. There's no end to it."

"Well, then, why don't you go do some work, and you can torment me about whatever my son's gotten up to when I'm through here." Uncle Lui's voice is heavy with long-tried patience.

Father only grins, a happier expression, but also a very sadistic one. It fades as he looks over to me. "Lyric? I'm going to leave you with your Uncle. You can tell him whatever you want." He pauses before the door.

Uncle Lui cocks his head at him at the same time that I do.

"...Just call if you need me." I'm not sure which of us he was talking to, but he makes sure to leave quickly after that, that pinched expression on his face making my stomach twist. Why oh why did I have to make him cry?

I look at Uncle Lui after the door closes. He smiles at me. It's almost as if I'd never run away.

"It certainly must feel that way to you." He grins. "I wonder what trouble you've been getting up to all these years? I'll expect an account of it sometime, you know."

I frown, siting up as I try to puzzle out why Uncle Lui keeps responding to things that I didn't say out loud.

He chuckles and ruffles my hair. I scowl and fix it back. I hate it getting mussed and he knows it. "It's because you're broadcasting your thoughts. Your Father tinkering with your head and yanking things out probably helped a bit, there, but you've been loud and clear ever since you entered the room." He stands up, hands clasped behind his back, and steps back a little, looking over me. "Stifling, wasn't it? Being in the Jhe o'Sul's Palace for so long. Especially with your personality. It made you get pent up, I'm sure. I know you were fighting against his bonds even during our little tea ceremony in the garden. After fighting back against the his control for so long, your mind would get stronger, and your mental voice...well, louder. You haven't had a chance to adjust it yet--" He laughs with a snort. "No, you don't even know how to yet. But I'm very impressed with you, Lyric." He takes another step back, then flops into a nearby armchair. "You managed to play his games as one of his pieces and still not get caught. Now..." he leans back, propping his chin on the back of one hand, "why don't you tell me just how you went about that?"

I look to the side, trying to avoid his gaze. "I, um...well, I was writing it, before. I wanted to finish doing that."

Unkie nods. "It's usually easier to break heavy news via writing, isn't it? It's a little scary to say certain things in person. Only...writing takes a long time, and while you're doing it, everyone's hovering over your shoulder waiting for the next damn chapter. In the meantime, you might want to just tell me the more pertinent details, and, more importantly...spill what it is you need to get off your chest. That's why your Father left you with me. He's done the same for me before. With Katherine, of course. And sometimes Jaxhelshon." He smirks. "Edward was too awed by him to even think of being afraid to talk, Justice fanboy that he is. And then there's you Akribastes kids. Always in trouble up to your necks and terrified your Father will hurl you into the Void as soon as you make the tiniest peep. I get to listen to all of that." He grins wide. "What luck! So, Lyric," he hunches forward, hands curled under his chin in a pose of rapt attention, "why don't you tell your Uncle a story?"

He watches as I still avoid meeting his eyes. "I...I don't want to upset you, Uncle."

He still smiles. It's not that overly chipper grin anymore, but it is strangely carefree just the same. "You won't be the one that's upsetting me, Lyric. Now, please. If there is anything I am used to in this world, it is hearing things that no one wants to tell me."

I bite my lip. Well then. How do I possibly start talking about this?

I spread my hands, palms out. "Okay. Picture this."